Every couple years, I have this huge existential crisis about what I’m doing in my life. The last time this happened, I moved to New York and finished a graduate program in Art & Community Practice, only to return to my job, my town, and resume life as I had known it just a year prior.
I’ve always been chasing things. I’ve always been running. Last night, Skyler and I cuddled in a hammock on our balcony and fell asleep. It was the most content I have felt in a very long time. I didn’t feel like I was running anymore. I felt like I had arrived.
I think that this is something that has become more and more true as Skyler and I have explored what it means to be married to one another. There was always something to look forward to that was big. That felt life changing. For a while, it was things like graduation, starting college, getting into a graduate program, moving to a new city, starting a new job. I have arrived at a strange point in my life where I’m just maintaining the lifestyle I am living because I’m happy. I don’t need to chase anything anymore.
Of course, there are many things that I wish I could do. I wish that we had more financial freedom. I wish we could travel more. I wish that I wasn’t always stressed out about the amount of money in our bank account, even though it has always been sufficient for us. There will always be something to look forward to, something to head toward. But I’m not running anymore. I’m leisurely walking toward a brighter day, surrounded by the bright day that I’m already living.