My sister, as a freshman in high school, once told me, “I don’t think there’s just fate or just free will. I think that there are different strings, and we follow some of them some days, follow others most days, and some, we never touch. I think life is just a set of different strings.”
I’ve been feeling REALLY antsy lately. I’ve been questioning a lot of my life, and a lot of my purpose. I’ve been feeling especially anxious about my career, and if I followed the right string to get where I am right now in education. I miss the creativity of writing. I miss having the time to write, and the deadlines in place so that I would actually do it instead of slack off on it in favor of more time for other activities.
I keep thinking about the kinds of messages that I give my students–this idea that they can do whatever they want, as soon as they decide what they want to do. And as soon as that is discovered, they just need to take small steps forward, every day, in that direction. I believe this so much. And now, I just need to figure out how to live up to it myself. I’m questioning my career. I’ve been taking different steps outside of it, exploring, feeling out the terrain. I race back to where I started though, because it’s comfortable. And I need to get over that and learn to take a risk or two. I want to explore other strings that are out there. I want to follow a different path for a little while.
In my personal life, I feel that I have followed all the right strings to arrive where I am. I have the most loving group of supportive friends, and I kid you not, I have a perfect husband who is everything that I could ever need in the universe. And right now, I wonder if there are strings that I could follow that would lead me to feel the same way about where I am in my career. To find out, I’ll need to take some bold steps in directions I’ve never turned toward before. I don’t know that I’m ready right now, but I think I’m headed somewhere new with just a little time.