First time to miss posting since the day I promised I would post! But instead of calling it and saying, “Well, it didn’t work. Oh well,” this time I’m posting this morning and then will post again later today.
This concept of “Better Late Than Never”, that familiar cliche that we all have heard once or twice before, is something whose truth I question sometimes. When it comes to closure, or goodbyes, I think that this is murky territory. When do you let an ex back into your life? When is an attempt at closure really an invitation to open an old wound?
In other areas of life, like last night when my band took a little longer to set up, being late is most certainly better than never going on, particularly if there is a group of people there waiting for you to start giving them music. With this journal, I think that for me, this cliche rings true today. I’m here. I’m writing. I’m putting my thoughts into words that sit somewhere other than on my mind.
Skyler and I got to talking last night. We crave sometimes opposite worlds. Sometimes, we want to be busy, schedules booked with gigs from our greatest joys in life–our hobbies. Sometimes, this gets overwhelming, and the idea of just doing nothing at a beach or at a spa or somewhere out in the mountains is so alluring, it’s crazy. How do we know what it is that we are supposed to do with our lives? How do I know I’m not supposed to go move off to a rural town in the middle of America and write? How do I know I’m not supposed to join the Peace Corp., a thought I’ve flirted with on more than one occasion over the past decade, and move to a country in Asia and serve others? How do I know I am meant to stay put, right here in San Marcos, California, teaching? There’s a video on youtube from The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows where it says something to the effect of “how heavy a load it is to carry all the weight of the lives that you are not living?”
Purpose. If ever something happens that makes me sure about a next step that I need to take, I’ll be glad I’ve found that purpose, and thank the universe with the cliche, “Alright world. It’s better late than never.”